I can be a real idiot sometimes. I got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning (figuratively, 'cause the other side of my bed is against the wall), and the day seemed to get worse from there, culminating in the local fast-food joint somehow forgetting to make my food, resulting in me being 15 minutes late getting back from my lunch hour. Fortunately I have a really understanding boss, so I didn't get an earful for being late. Another fortunate thing: my day basically couldn't help but get better from here, 'cause it had already hit bottom.
What started this downward spiral in my mood? News of the death of a relative or friend? No. A huge unexpected expense, like a car or home repair bill? Nope. You're gonna love the answer ... our broadband internet is on the fritz. Now comes the obvious, but no less puzzling, question: Why do I let it get me so upset? It's not the end of the world (if you'll forgive that revoltingly cliché expression). The stability of our life doesn't depend on it. It's not a vital component of our household infrastructure (except when it's time to pay bills). Nevertheless, it can throw my delicate little world into turmoil.
Did you happen to see the South Park episode from 2008 called "Over Logging", about how the Internet broke, sending all of human society into utter chaos? It's hard for me not to think about that episode, and naturally to juxtapose it to my own behavior, and end up feeling extra-super-duper-silly about myself.
When I find myself disconnected from the web like this, I fuss and fret as if my life is utterly directionless and I'm at my wit's end for something -- anything -- constructive to do. And then, what do I do once I'm overjoyed to finally see the green "DSL" LED on the modem return to its reassuring steady glow? Do I confidently forge into a carefully structured strategy to make a meaningful and profound contribution to cyberspace? Shit no, I browse the web aimlessly, wasting away a good two hours or so. You see? I told you ... I can be a real idiot sometimes.
Maybe part of the reason it upsets me is because we're paying a fair bit of money every month for having reliable high-speed internet access, and we're not getting what we're paying for. And maybe part of it is the unpleasant prospect of having to get on the phone with their customer service people and plodding through "the idiot list" of simple troubleshoots, none of which ever solve the problem, thus wasting time. But whatever the reason, it discourages me enough to long for a world without all these technological burdens we place on ourselves ... a quiet little village in rural France, perhaps. As clumsy and uncomfortable as my childhood was, I sometimes wish I still lived in a pre-digital world ... things were so much simpler then.
I'm really hoping the DSL will magically fix itself before tomorrow morning (and, more importantly, stay fixed), so I don't have to call those technical support people. I won't be calling them today, 'cause that would just be asking for one more wrench to be thrown into the rattletrap gearbox that is my Thursday. Sigh ... I should have listened more closely to that bird outside my window, whose pretty little song I could hear this morning while I was tying my shoes ... as if to tell me, "everything's going to be okay." Because, deep down inside, I know in the long run that it will be.
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